The Prodigal teenager (daughter) returns

You know the biblical story of the prodigal son, who after demanding his inheritance early, left the family home and squandered it away on anything and everything as long as it was fun and frivolous. Well the prodigal teenage daughter returned but just for two weeks. She took off to Melbourne in search of a better life???? Maybe she was just looking for a life with less parental restrictions, a life full of fun and friends and parties and bands. I don’t believe that her life is necessarily better when she struggles to eke out an existence. It was her choice to move away with little means of support. We could have chased after her, given her money and kept looking after her but we didn’t. At nearly 20 years old we felt that it was up to her to make her own choices and take the consequences for those choices.

It’s called tough love. I am not sure who it is toughest on the parent or the teenager. We hugged and we cried as I explained to her how much it hurt to have to watch her struggle to make ends meet, eking out an existence on very limited resources but all due to the choices that she has made in life. She could be living in a comfortable home but was not prepared to take the responsibilities and house rules that came with that option.

The difference between the prodigal son in the bible story and our own prodigal daughter is that the prodigal son in the bible story learnt a valuable life lesson and was prepared to make amends for his life choices. The prodigal daughter is yet to learn these lessons and continues to make poor life choices and suffer for them.

Parenting!!! It’s a matter of perspective.

I finished off a very busy week at work last week with an opportunity to have some time out doing something I like, visiting a local craft show, with one of my very dear friends, Tricia.

Tricia has been one of my role models of the perfect parent. Someone who is always there for her kids with lots of love with firm but fair discipline. Her home is always spotless and tidy and she always serves up nutritious home cooked meals to the family. She and her husband along with the kids and help of a builder friend to advise them even built their own deck extension. I first met Tricia when she became my eldest daughter’s family day care mum after I went back to work fulltime. With a young baby of her own, Tricia took on the added responsibility of looking after someone else’s child. Kimberley was a challenging child who at 5pm every day screamed – because she could. Eventually after a couple of family day care mums and a child care centre and the birth of my second child it was time to resign from work and be an at home mum for a while. I too became a family day care mum but unlike Tricia, I only lasted 8 months in the role as I found it exhausting. Tricia on the other hand stayed in the role for at least another 10 years or more.

Following a great evening of looking at and buying craft, Tricia and I were having a chat over a coffee. Imagine my surprise when Tricia announced that I, along with another mum who also works full time, were in fact people whom she admired. It’s a matter of perspective.

Teenagers Taxi!!! Who said a woman’s place is in the home?

They were wrong it’s in the car. Actually that goes for the dads as well as the mums. Let’s not be too gender specific here. Both parents can and usually do share in taxiing of teenagers to sporting activities, social events, school and extracurricular activities and part time work.

Ahh!!! the weekend is here. It’s time to relax after a busy and challenging yet very productive week at work. So I look around my house to see a backlog of washing waiting for me and the never ending tidying up that needs to be done and yet never seems to be completed before someone messes things up again. Why is it that I can be really well organized coordinating people at work and yet I can’t seem to coordinate myself and my family to achieve tasks which need to be done at home?

Ok so back to the Teenager Taxi Service. I do admit that this is one thing that does take some time out of the day. While the actual transporting of teenagers from one place to another does not take long, it is scheduling drop off and pick up times to different activities for different members of the family and the constant clock watching required to achieve this that takes the time. OK so that is my excuse but let’s face it I lack the self discipline to work to a schedule at home and would rather do something creative than doing the domestic duties which surround me. So I had better stop blogging, get off my butt and start cleaning, washing, tidying before I have to go and taxi my teenagers again.

Parents elevated to super status!!!

Supermum runs her own business, raises six young children, supports her husband and in her spare time collects endangered species while trekking through the Amazon!!!

Oh please, if I hear another stereotypical story of yet another person performing superhuman feats to achieve the unattainable work, family, life balance all with social and political correctness I think I will vomit!!!

Have we in fact gone too far? Life was certainly a lot simpler when women were at home bringing up the children, supporting their spouse and keeping everything going on the home front. Food was simple fare, meat and three veg. Often veges were home grown in the back garden. There was no fast food, kids walked to and from school and playing games meant throwing a ball outside or having a game of footy with your mates or riding bikes or scooters around the neighbourhood. Men went out to work, came home to an adoring spouse and children warmly greeting him as he walked through the door and sat down to a beautiful home cooked meal.

We now find ourselves in a time warp, trapped between two eras and societal expectations. As children, we were brought up with the traditional way of life of the 60’s and 70’s. Our parents and others equally ingrained with this traditional way of life have the expectation that we will also follow their example of bringing up children and keeping house as they did. These days it has almost become a necessity for both parents to be in the paid workforce. With this change in work dynamics there has also been a shift in roles and responsibilities on the home front. While many couples are now sharing domestic duties, teenager taxi service, bill paying etc., on top of their work commitments there are those who are very quick to judge if all is not perfect and organized on the home front.

Media has a great deal to answer to for their portrayal of women somehow achieving what seems to be the unachievable, holding up examples of women achieving great success in every aspect in their lives supposedly with no outside assistance. I personally struggle to manage a household, be there for my teenagers and my spouse and try to develop my career before anyone notices the greying hair and skin threatening to wrinkle at any moment and decides to put me out to pasture. Meals at our house, are generally on the run fitting in with sporting, social and work commitments of teenagers. Both my spouse and I are clutterholics, a legacy of that traditional era where you did not throw out anything as it may come in handy someday. When I made a concerted effort recently, to have nutritious home cooked meals on the table and insisted that we all sit down together to eat, my 15 year old daughter told me to stop being that type of mum that she preferred me the way I was despite the fact that the house was not perfectly tidy and the meals weren’t meticulously prepared and served. I guess your teenagers will let you know that they love you for who you really are and not for what society expects you to be.

TEENAGERS: Can’t live with them. Can’t live without them.

Teenagers and their behaviours can be challenging but we love them just the same.

How’s this for a reality check? Imagine that your teenager suddenly becomes seriously ill. You watch helplessly as the life seems to drain away from your child. Scary! Yes VERY, especially for one family that this scenario happened to recently. Their teenager developed Diabetes Type 1. The onset and severity was so fast that it shocked everyone. I can’t begin to imagine the anguish and helplessness that the family must have felt at the time. Fortunately their child was diagnosed quickly and treated in hospital but their lives have now profoundly changed. This has impacted on not only their whole family, but on all of those who know their family. Fortunately they have the ongoing assistance of some fantastic health care professionals as well as support groups connecting this family to other families in similar situations. (see link)

I am reminded of another family whose lives were profoundly affected after their 14 year old daughter was tragically killed in a boating accident in Sydney Harbour in March 2007. Fourteen year old Morgan Innes was a very talented ice skater and a beautiful person. She had a warm, friendly and outgoing nature and was very much loved by all who came to know her.

What happened next was truly inspiring. The day after Morgan’s funeral in Brisbane, a still grief stricken Robert Innes, Morgan's father, flew to Sydney to establish and secure funding for the Morgan Innes Foundation. The Foundation was established to honour the lives of seven people drawn together by their love of figure skating (four people died tragically and three seriously injured in the collision between a boat and ferry on Sydney Harbour on 28th March, 2007).

Each year the Morgan Innes Foundation awards a scholarship to an up and coming figure skater to undertake comprehensive training programs with elite coaches overseas. The Foundation also assists disadvantaged youth who meet the selection criteria established by the sport’s governing body, Ice Skating Australia (ISA) and who have not had the chance to experience the joy of ice skating. (see link)

They don't call them TeenAGERS for nothing!

Have you ever got up in the morning and looked in the mirror and wondered who the hell that person is staring back at you? It's definately not you - they have bags under their eyes, wrinkles, greying, out of control hair and look at least 20 years older than you think you should look. After all you are only 30! Hmmmmmmm. Many things may cause this look that stares back at you from the mirror. Yes we all age but sometimes this process is helped along a bit by stress. The stress caused by being there for everybody else especially energy draining, self absorbed, emotional, teenagers. After all the universe does revolve around them didn't you know?

I recently had a health scare which put me in hospital. Because I had the three "F's" Fifty, Flabby and Family history, they decided to keep me in hospital for a while for observation and to do more tests. While all was well, I did feel like a bit of a fraud but I am told that stress can give similar symptoms to a heart attack. Well a few days in hospital away from work and family, while not my idea of the perfect holiday, certainly gave me time to rest, destress and think about some of my life choices.

To be continued. . . . . . . .

5 tips to being a Cool Parent!!!

1. Sing along to a Marilyn Manson song, if you're game, while you are taxiing your teenagers around. Tip - Make sure the windows are up.
2. Buy yourself a pair of Converse All Stars or Chuck Taylors. They are surprisingly comfortable. I would suggest a discount outlet as they are ridiculously expensive for a flat pair of joggers.
3. Start your own Facebook page. My then 14 yr old set mine up for me but refuses to "Add Me" as a friend - expect that. When you've done that why don't you get really adventurous and start your own blog?
4. Learn how to text or txt on your mobile phone including all short forms LOL, ROFL, GR8, UR etc. Predictive text takes a bit of getting used to but it is quicker in the long run.
5. If you don't have a clue what I'm talking about in 1,2,3 and 4 then you had better learn fast from your teenagers while they are still talking to you.