New Horizons

As the New Year began I considered what I wanted to achieve.  Feeling like I needed a project or something creative to inspire me and build my enthusiasm, I pondered returning to study, becoming involved in some sort of youth outreach or doing something creative on the home front such as sewing or photography. 

Being time poor with regard to adding anything new to my already busy life, it suddenly dawned on me to extend my current volunteering role in ToughLove to a leadership role.  Having been a member of ToughLove for over a year now I felt that it was time to take on new challenges and assist at a group leadership and perhaps Queensland Management level.  I have now had the title of Public Relations Officer for Corinda group bestowed upon me.  It is a great honour and one which I take very seriously.  I have always been enthusiastic about marketing and public relations especially when it is for a cause which I am passionate about.   I am a true advocate of ToughLove, the support and information which it provides.  It does work!!!  As Public Relations Officer for the group I will be promoting our group and the ToughLove program to schools and the community at large.

When I first came to ToughLove I was desperate for a solution as many other parents are, when faced with such challenges as teenager turmoil, drug or alcohol related violence and mental health, psychotic episodes, to name just a few.  I remember sitting patiently listening to the information given at orientation, all the while wanting a quick fix, an instant solution to turn my feral teenager back to the beautiful innocent little blue eyed girl she once was. 

More Inspiring Teenagers

It is so easy to focus on the negative aspects of teenager behaviour. 

Today I attended the Queensland Synchronized Ice Skating Club’s Exhibition Skate, a fundraiser and performance opportunity for the teams representing their state at the Australian National Ice Skating competition to be held in Brisbane next month.  

I was fortunate to witness some very inspiring and talented ice skaters who brought passion, elegance and creativity to their performances. Over the past seven years that my own children have been ice skating, I have seen many of these children, develop their skating skills from tentative, awkward, beginning steps to the accomplished, dynamic, creative ice skaters that I see before me today.

I have also seen leadership skills emerge in teenagers as they in turn nurture and encourage the next generation of beginner ice skaters.  The synchronised ice skating club management realises that tomorrow’s national teams grow from the beginner skaters of today which is why they provide leadership opportunities to the more experienced skaters to inspire and encourage the beginner skaters.   

I would like to congratulate the organisers for the success of such a well, run event which provided an opportunity to showcase our talented ice skaters.  Immense pride exuded from ice skaters and the audience alike as the skaters concluded the exhibition with a victory lap of the ice rink to the music of “Queen”, “We are the champions”.  Congratulations to all of the ice skaters who performed today and best of luck to those who will be representing Queensland at the national competition next month.

Teenager/Parent Communication or Conflict?

People exhibit different behaviours in their communication with one another. Think of the last conflict that you had or that you witnessed and look at it from the perspective of a third party observing the situation.

Was there emotion, blame, finger pointing, raised voices, sarcasm, rigid stances?  These characteristics are often associated with aggressive behaviour.

If one person was meek, avoiding conflict and eye contact and apologising for things which were not their fault then this may indicate passive behaviour.

People using assertive behaviour tend to use a calm tone, be non-blaming and are able to clearly and honestly discuss the situation with careful consideration and respect.

It is very easy to get caught up in the emotion of the situation especially in parent/teenager communication.  By being aware that these behaviours exist we can look out for key words and non-verbal body language which are characteristic of these different behaviours.

If you need support in communicating with your teenager contact ToughLove by visiting their website to find a group near you.  http://www.toughlove.org.au/index.htm

In memory of a loving mum.

It has been a year to the day since my mother passed away.  My 16 year old daughter and I took time to remember an amazing lady, a mother and nana, teacher and friend.

Some tears shed, fond memories held.  We shared sadness for the loss of a caring, warm, generous, person and yet joy for having had her as part of our lives.

She will always remain in our hearts and in our memories.  I love you mum and I too am proud of all that you have said and done.  Thank you.

Happy Fathers Day

I watched X Factor the other night and was totally blown away by the performance of this 40 year old dad. Note the look of pure adoration on his young daughter's face.  Just beautiful!!!  I thought that this was the perfect youtube for my blog to celebrate Fathers Day.  So to all of you dads out there.  Happy Fathers Day.  Hope you had a great day.    Click on link to watch.   Enjoy!!!
http://youtu.be/wGYRp81dYVY

Daughter finds freedom to fly

My ToughLove kid has turned a corner. Although in another city, she contacts me by phone or text message not because she wants something but because she wants to share with me some of her day to day life experiences. She is taking responsibility and making better life choices for herself. She has come a long way, struggling to eke out an existence, seeking ways for self improvement, looking after herself and maintaining her living environment.

She assists her community and herself through volunteering.

My daughter has grown wings to fly, building confidence and finding freedom to choose her own destiny.

I am so proud of you Kim. You have found who you are.

You know you're a Cool Parent when. . . . . .

When I first started this blog in June 2010 I wrote a post on 5 tips to being a cool parent. One year on here are 5 tips on when you know you’re a cool parent.

1. Driving in the car with your teenager with Lady Gaga playing LOUD!!!
2. Accepting that your eldest child (living away from home) now has 2 rats for pets.
3. Acknowledging that your 20 year old looks pretty with her hair dyed pink.
4. Being able to see beyond the piercings and tattoos to see the real person in your child and their friends.
5. When your 20 year old initiates more regular contact with you and the conversation is pleasant and encouraging.

Thank you ToughLove for your support and encouragement in helping me build confidence in myself and in the decisions that I make regarding the parenting of my teenagers and older children.

ToughLove is a parent support group which I have found extremely helpful in dealing with challenging teenagers. Click on the title of this blog post to go to the ToughLove Australia website.