Sunday, April 24, 2011
Toughlove for Teenagers Launching your Adult Child
If you are wondering whether it is necessary to launch an adult child, ask yourself these five questions -
1. Is the present arrangement working for you?
2. Is your adult child moving toward independence?
3. Are you and your adult child cooperating as equals in a way that brings peace and serenity to the home?
4. Is the adult child paying his/her full share of the bills and shouldering his share of the responsibilities?
5. Are you going to live forever?
If you answer no to any of these questions, you should be able to see why it is necessary for you to launch your child into the “real” world of self sufficiency.
The Launching Process
1. Make your intention known – When you advise the launchee of your decision to launch there is no need for explanations or debate. They already know why. The conversation should be brief and include a statement like “I believe this is best for all of us”
2. Set a Date – 3 to 6 weeks is reasonable.
3. Let the Launchee make the arrangements – parents organising things will only hinder the launching process.
4. No Revolving Door a. All possessions go immediately – make sure the launchee moves ALL possessions and belongings.
b. New locks – DO NOT give him/her keys.
c. No treating House Like Home – DO NOT allow him/her to raid the refrigerator, take a shower or wash clothes.
d. Change Address Officially – notify the post office of change of address if the new address is known to you.
e. Stand Firm – DO NOT allow launchee to move back in with you regardless of the circumstances.
5. Guard Against Weakening Thoughts.
6. Make the First Launch the Last Launch.
If you found this information helpful or would like to find out more please visit the Toughlove website to find your local Toughlove group. Toughlove is a parent support group of like minded parents who are dealing with unruly teenagers in a supportive, non judgemental environment.
My Toughlove group have given me the support and encouragement that I have needed to cope with the many situations of dealing with my challenging daughter.